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I was being offered a job at Bank One.

The base was $28,000 and it rose I think to $32,000 when I got my series 6 license.  It provided me with some security, and since my lifestyle was arranged around a cash need of under $1,000 a month, it also would pay me well, particularly because gas was $1 a gallon.   The downside was an unusual-for-Columbus 30 minute commute, but it wasn’t the end of the world.  The bank, from the outside, looked like a Jiffy Pop tin. 

I could tell from the interview process that it was realistic to earn about 45,000 a year, and the possibility tapered off somewhere around $60,000 a year. A good looking tall manager was interviewing me, and his assistant was giving everything away. I had just decided my tour of writing (without selling what I was writing) and not growing up was to end.  $45,000 with awhat appeared to be low effort while at the bank was appealing to a 25 year old.  As close as I can tell, I didn’t undergo much scrutiny or a background check.

So when I was given my offer, I started on a Tuesday at the Polaris building (most of the fiasco was going to happen at the Brooksedge Center on Schrock Road here in Westerville, but the damage started at Polaris).  I drove my 1992 Geo Prizm (a corolla with a crapy Chevy interior) over to training and orientation.  We sat through some paperwork which was earnestly, if not efficiently handled.  Lots of people paraded in to listlessly tell us about benefits of being a Bank One employee (here in Columbus we could get a gym membership, we could get some golfing discounts, and probably more that was rather unimportant.)

Right after lunch, we were paraded into a room where we were sat to watch one of many videos.  This first video was radically different.  It was where I met Jamie Dimon, the then New CEO of Bank One.  He was on the video with seething earnestness.  You could tell he meant business, and he said, “Right now, Bank One, and even the new Job you just got is in some danger.  Right now, we are wasting money everywhere I look, with no benefit to the customers or our employees.  You are new to the company, like me, and I want you to help me find waste wherever you can.  This yellow paper is how you can get in touch with me.  I want you to protect this company and find waste, and I will personally ensure that there are no repercussions.  Any time you see waste, you have to cut it out, it doesn’t matter how small.” 

To this day, and despite what was to come, I believe that Jamie Dimon was sincere.  After sitting through in processing at the (even then) huge company, I was enthusiastic.  Someone understood that there was corporate cancer.  Someone was with my up or out ethos.   This wasn’t going to be an Initech situation.  I was thrilled about being in an organization that was ready to change. 

Mistake #1.

Training started on Wednesday, and after some more routine paperwork and disclosures (sexual harassment, no discrimination, what hotline to call for what problem), we shuffled off into an auditorium for training.  There were a hundred of us bankers.  You know who we are?  We’re people sitting in cubicles that glom on to anyone in line trying to get a transaction.  We tried to churn your worthless cash into valuable commissions for ourselves and the bank branch.  The training was about 3 weeks, and then there was more training to get my Series 6 and Life And Health licenses.  All of this was on the bank’s dime, and I was drawing $2350 a month, and done by five pm. 

So the hundreds of us bankers, about 80 if I recall, were shuffled into an auditorium for a presentation.  The after lunch portion–from 1-5pm was fantastic. The 80 of us, and four trainers spent the whole time shaking hands.  No kidding.  We spent the time practicing how to approach people (a little bit more quickly than they approach you), and when to extend your hand, how many pumps, and how to release. 

My enthusiasm was dissapated, but I did have a useful exercise, so during a break, I asked the trainer (I think his name was actually Shawn, and he seemed like a good guy that had been poisoned by really crappy culture).  

“Shawn, how often are these classes held,” 

“Twice a quarter here, and then twice a quarter in 3 other locations.”

“Do you teach them all?”

“No, there are other trainers.”

“Is this an average sized class?”

“No, they average about 100 people or so.”

“Really?  Wow.”

So on my first day, at the end of the day, I took Jamie Dimon at his word.  I didn’t see the need for annonimity because, if Jamie Dimon had just told me that he’d personally, if necessary, keep any repercussions from happening, then, who would go over his head.

I figured that the two trainers made about $61,000 a year, or $30 an hour. 

I figured eveyone in there made $14.00 an hour, so when you add benes, that brings us to a cost to the bank of $17.50 an hour.

I figured the real average was 88 people per class; I was told 100, but I wanted realistic figures.

So…

$17.50 per hour  * 4 hours  = 70 per person.   * 88 (average) people = $6,160.  Let’s add in the trainers wages of $120 per trainer * 2 = 240.  So we’re at $6400.

Now, we do this 2 times a quarter, or 8 times a year.  This means that it’s $51,200.

Now with 3 other locations that were teaching Handshake One-Oh-One…That meant that $204,800.

That was the cash benefit.  The noncash benefits?

• They would no longer be demoralizing smart people right out of the gate. 
• People would not have an attitude of complacency from day one.
• We could get to training more important and more specialized information.
• We could get to know each other.
• We would forever take training more seriously.

I had done a nice document in about 15 minutes.  I emailed it to myself, revised it, and sent it home.  I was no longer feeling demoralized.  I was excited–for on my first day, I’d saved my company $204,800.  My future was secure–if I could save this much money on day one, at 25, what could I do with more experience?  They were certain to be grateful at every level that I’d pointed out their folly. I was proud of my idea, and of my work, so I signed my name to it.  I submitted it up to the fax hotline the next day. 

Because of Jamie Dimon’s clarion call, there was a backlog on the wastebuster fax of about three weeks as his assistants   But I would send 4 other faxes in that time. 

—

Chris Johnson is the Author of Loan Officer Survival Guide, a $13.50 e-book that will give you more deals than you can count. 

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