The NAMBLA/KKK Weight Loss Plan


Let’s get something really, really clear.  I hate NAMBLA.  HATE.  (I won’t link, google if you must know what that horrible organization is and does).

I also hate HATE the KKK.  Of the organizations they are 1 and 1a in terms of “totally evil, but sadly, must be legal.”  That whole libertarian streak

I’m going to use these vile organizations to help me lose weight.  Stay with me here, I know it’s a stretch.

How To Use People You Hate For Goals You Want:

I’ve been in an accountability group for a while.  I’ve been focusing on selling 100 blogs.  That goal is on pace.   The one that’s not, though…I’ve gone through it in fits and starts, and it’s been an interesting journey for me.  Right now, I’m trying to lose 40# in 100 days.  About 40 days in, and I’m only down about 9 net pounds, and all of that was from a couple of weekends.   I’m doing better-but-not-great at the dinner table.  I’m doing badly at getting to the gym.  Flat out badly.  I need to work out more.  Nothing has worked–my intentions are good…but between sleep training Ruby and everything else, I’m just not making it.  So let’s fix it with something that MUST work.

So, I had an idea.  What if a kitten would die if I didn’t work out.  Sadly, both PETA and I agree with the premise that kittens shouldn’t die if I don’t work out.

So, I had another idea: what if I lost money from not working out.  (Note: when you’re less attractive, you lose money)  So I wrote out a check to a few friends, and told  them the score:  I don’t work out, they cash the check. Still, it doesn’t have the STING that I want.  Because I’m helping friends out.  And it’s a perverse incentive.

So, I thought: first, time I miss the gym it’s a warning.  I get a check written out to a couple of friends and they cash it.  The SECOND time.

Well, let’s just say that I become the Grand Wizard of NAMBLA.


So, 4 checks.  All with instructions: Cash this if I don’t prove that I got to the gym.  First check goes to my friends.  The second check?  That goes to NAMBLA or the KKK.

They BETTER do it.  PhilJesse?   Counting on you.  They’ve been sent SASEs.  I gotta go to the gym man.

I’ll probably up the ante a little bit and make a picture of my ‘food diary’ become necessary.

Anyway, the rule is this: I gotta prove that I was at the gym, or these puppies get cashed.

I gotta do this  till October 1st…then the checks I will void.

Bottom line: I get one day off a week, either Friday or Sunday, but not both.  I’ve got to post a video by 1am the next morning on Youtube proving that I was at the gym.  I don’t know of a practical way to prove a workout, but this is good.  I’ll also be taking a picture of what I ate and putting it here.  All this is in the sidebar to the right.  Please subscribe.   Rat me out.  I’m tired of the excuses.

My Gym is urban active, and here’s the first video I got:

These little accountability videos will show up in the side bar.  I’ll do the vids with my crappy Blackberry.  I would rather have a PXL 2000, but this will do.  Join me at to track my progress and encourage me not to deal become the Grand Wizard of Nambla.

Oh, also: if I go to run at the woods, that counts, too, but I gotta find a stranger to say what day it is and go on video.  Should be fun.

Fight Racism: Encourage Me To Get To The Gym.

I made a badge since Ryan wanted one.racism

63 FREE Autoresponder Headlines for A Long Term Campaign

So I’ve had some autoresponder fail for a long time.  I have decided to arrange my schedule in working for what I’m doing in the mornings, and in the afternoons work for other folks.  If he ever gets his magnum opus done (I’ve seen the notes) Remarkablogger has a very cool mastermind-level thing that helps you think.  He’s claling it ‘gateway blogging.’  Bug him to finish it because the notes are Goooooooooood.
Anyway, that said, he’s got a bit on profiling customers.  Describes how to do it.   You folks, reading this blog, are unlikely to be customers for my Guerrilla.ME blogging services.   Mostly the people that read me are friends and other bloggers with blogs.  So I do this for ideas…I am not selling anything to you (unless I go the affiliate route, and right now, I’m more interested in making honest recommendations that YOU KNOW I’m making to benefit you, not me, than collecting the bucks from selling excellent products like the Freelance X Factor).
Even though blogging is young, there are more people that are going to be blogging than are blogging.  We will need to share this “how to blog” info with people.  I made a bunch of autoresponder headlines that I’ll tighten up a bit to tell the story to my leads.  This will fix autoresponder fail because the story is a breezy 150-250 word dispatch that defines stuff for my prospects.
Steal at will.  If you use, please either linkback or gimme a testimonial to celebrate my genius.
Follow Up Sequence:
  1. Guide to blogging for small business part 1
  2. Beginners Guide to Blogging Part 2
  3. What’s Wrong With Your Online Marketing
  4. Think Like a Searcher: “How Do I” Questions.
  5. How Blogging Builds Trust With Customers
  6. How Blogging Can ALSO be an Email List
  7. Tell Your Story However It’s Comfortable:  Make It Make Sense.
  8. Make Changes As Easy As A Word Document!
  9. Local Search: Where To Compete To Win The Wara
  10. Is It Your Site?  Or Your Designers Site: How Blogs Put You In Control.
  11. All Roads Lead To Rome: A Social Media Strategy You Can Live With.
  12. How To Use OTHER SITES to Win Customers
  13. Create A Social Media Plan That Works
  14. How To Be Sure Your Blogging Will Have An Impact.
  15. Testimonials: How They Are ALL That Matters
  16. How You Can Waste Your Trust
  17. How To Be 100% sure You’ll Get Traffic on the Web From Your Efforts Blogging
  18. How To Tell If Your Web Guy is Lying To You
  19. How ____________’s Blog Started Working.
  20. Why Flash Sites are Dead
  21. How To Use Facebook to Launch Your Blog
  22. What 10 True fans can do for you online.
  23. How To Blog if You Hate Writing
  24. Nobody Cares About You (Unless You Care About Them First)
  25. What is a “keyword” and why do I need to know.
  26. How Do I Get A Return on My Investment
  27. Testimonials?  Why Not Having Them is Killing Your Business
  28. Relationships?  How Is Blogging About Relationships.
  29. Beginners’ Guide To Blogging Part 3
  30. How To Ensure That You’ll Get Traffic From Blogging
  31. What is Keyword Bingo and Why You Need It
  32. How To Make A Blog Work in 2 Hours A Week
  33. 10 Reasons Why Your Clients Don’t Trust You & How It Breaks Your Site.
  34. Why Your WebPresence Is Wasting Time Online
  35. 35 Ways To Waste Money Online
  36. 16 Ways To Get People To Opt In To Your List.
  37. 9 Ways You’re Alienating Your Customers.
  38. Kill It.
  39. Why Not Finish?  You Need to Do More Online To work
  40. Don’t Worry About Traffic from Kazhikstan (SP)
  41. How to (Really) use Twitter (if at all).
  42. Make Your Customers Trust You By Being The Most Consistent
  43. What is Paper Click Advertising?
  44. 10 People On Youtube That are Uglier Than You:
  45. Why Greed Based Selling is a Thing of the Past
  46. Why Helping your Customers is the Way To Go!
  47. It’s Not About You: Making Your Blog About Your Customers Is The Way To Go
  48. How To Exchange Links With Others
  49. Put a Video On it: How to Put Youtube Videos on the Blog in 5 minutes.
  50. What ATMs Taught us about Our Web Presence
  51. I’m ugly.  Should I post videos Anyway?
  52. Why Your Site Isn’t Working and How To Fix It.
  53. Interact With Citizens, Not Conusmers
  54. Be Predictable: Don’t Sell Greed
  55. Demonstrate Virtuosity:The Point of Blogging
  56. Be of Service: The New Way To Survive
  57. Promote Others To Win Your Own War
  58. Why Putting A Phone Number On Your Site Makes Webforms More Friendly
  59. How Long Will I Have To Wait Before I Get Paid?’
  60. How To Get Traffic With Youtube Videos
  61. How Social Media Can Enhance Your Web Presence.
  62. How Can You Tell If Your Web Page Is DoingWell
  63. What is “Opt In?”

Debt: Making Good Men Bitches Since Time Immemorial

tax debt, tax issues, taxes,

For those of you that know me, you know that I’ve owed the IRS for some time.  It’s been a grind for me the entire time.   Monday, I got IRS Letter 2850 sent to me.  Excerpted below (click to embiggen)

tax debt, tax issues, taxes,

My principal balance is under $25,000 which is the IRS’s apparent Magic Number for not making you endlessly fill out form 433a. I don’t know, I’m not a Tax Attorney, not like my friend Phil Hodgen. (Note: preceding link was gratuitous and contains deliberate anchor text.)    This is down from over $93,000 in actual tax plus the juice that I ignored for a year:


Now, no doubt that there were some disproportionate consequences for my actions, but bottom line, 99% of this was my fault.  Or, 100% of it was my fault, really, but the consequences that come from being in debt to the IRS are pretty friggin’ severe.  I’m down to ~$35k, all in, no criminal investigations, no perpetual re negotiations, no more levies should hit me.   I’ll pay this off by next tax season, and I’ll be and stay ahead of my taxes.

I’m sharing this because this whole taste has soured me against finance.  I don’t want to be in debt–even if it costs me.  It adds a level of complexity and ‘bitchery’ to my life.  Debt saps my energy and it makes it harder for me to keep my promises.  I’m not doing it anymore.  I’m no man’s bitch.  I have to get out as soon as I can conceivably do it…and never look back.

Here’s why:  I had a great month in July.  But it just caught me up.  I didn’t get ahead, and I’m still waiting for my PPC bill to hit me so I can know how much I have (Google & Yahoo have never been accurate with their statements, have always been off).   I’m still surfing the payables. I will be till this thing is put to rest.  And when it is, I’ll turn the after burners on, get a little scratch up before I make another move.

Having this makes me work less hard.  I understand the conservative argument: it’s futile sometimes to keep grinding out work.  It’s futile to have to work & have all your money go to taxes.  It sucks to look at your family and not be able to do the things you want because you effed up your 20’s.  It sucks to pull in six figures and live like college students.  (Though, as usual Mark Cuban is rockingly right).  Paying a tax I don’t fully believe in kind of sucks.

Debt Slavery isn’t a lie.  I’m not stuck on consumer debt, but I screwed up.  I always thought that the checkerboard would arrange itself so I’d have one massive triple jump and be able pay everything off.  I thought I’d earn enough to swiftly and permanently punch my way out of this thing.  The way I expected things to roll was that I’d be able to pay it all off at once.  Reality doesn’t work like that.  I’m not gonna hold a winning track ticket and suddenly pay everything off.  Gotta chunk it down a little at a time, grind it till the interest stops being most of my income, and do the Debt Snowball thing.

So, a commitment:  I’ll update this about once a month.  Eventually I’ll do the google docs goal tracking thing, but I’ve got other fish to fry, auto responders to write, blogs to sell and a course to design.  Serving others at the highest level I know how is the way to punch through this wall.

A Preview: 8-15-09 I’ll have a course up.

I’ve gotta do it.  Seriously.

I’ve been a real estate agent, and I know about a sales cycle that ends in the winter.  I know that business gets hardeer in the winter than it is during these delirious and delicious summer days.

Hell, I’ve gotta do it because Brian lit the path so well.

That course is excellent for copywriters, that book was excellent for people starting a business.   Buy the freelance X factor.  I did.  I also didn’t include an affiliate link there, because I don’t want anyone to be confused: buy it for your benefit, not mine.

So It’s Time To Create a Membership Course

I’m not a coder.  I’m not particularly good at writing.  I know a limited amount of PHP, and I use consumer level programs on my Mac.  Yet, I have security financially.  I have money coming in every day.  I don’t use PPC, and I don’t use anything that’s past twitter.  I know a small amount about SEO, but I’m no Wolf.

I’m making money despite this stuff.  I’m making money that has allowed me to take a $140k debt down to $35k in 19 months.  [Honesty box: we live in a hovel in the Midwest].

“It” is translating my hardscrabble sales skills into helping freelancers get clients.  I don’t consider myself a freelancer trainer, but what I did provides peace of mind.  I still have cash crunches, but I don’t have to take short cuts, I don’t have to lie cheat or steal.

“It” is ensuring that every freelancer knows what I know: that our security is only in our ability to provide service to others.

“It” is to create a membership site–a brief training class, say 12 weeks.  This will give people the playbook for how I got business last December.  How I’ll get more this December.    Time is moving fast, friends.   Time is the enemy of freelancers.

Getting into the “broke cycle” sucks.  You get confused.  You get screwed up.  I know.  I’ve been there.  I’ve been levied by the IRS, I’ve been knocked around hard.   Your mind doesn’t work, not at all, when you’ve gotta sweat your living.  Freelancers, those that are striking out a path deserve to have some light on it.

This Christmas can be a glut of consumerist anxiety spending, or this Christmas can be a celebration of peace and prosperity.  Your choice.

Stay tuned, put your name in the box to the right, and in about a week I’ll have the details.

Details Friday.

Are You A Stupid Bull? Do You Charge The Matador’s Cape?


A male bull can weigh up to 3,800 pounds. All bone and sinew and rage and ferocity.  They can get up to 30 miles an hour at a full gallop.  Their horns can punch holes in car doors, they can toss rodeo clowns nearly 30 feet in the air.  There’s no questioning the sheer physical power of a bull, and his ability to impose his will on the world.

bull, bull fight, bull charge, bull charging capeBut, they are stupid.  At the end of the day they are the matdor’s bitch.

A matador knows that a bull has no cunning, just brute strength.   And bravery.   A bull can charge, a bull can lower its head and run forward.  And then its tricks are used up.  And if you can get the bull to charge a cape, you are safely unharmed.  Most bulls just charge capes.    They aren’t afraid, they just don’t think tactically.

I spent a long time charging capes.  I spent a long time spoiling for a fight and being ready to get mad.  Charging capes.  You slight me?  I go to war.  I don’t flail. I know that people at work hate it when it impacts them at home.  I know that people are gravely concerned about their reputations.  All of this war shit, it doesn’t matter.

And all my passion and energy is used up on nothing. I’ve gone to war, maybe even won.  I’ve let my will be known, and my tantrums have always, always had teeth.  I’ve always known the lessons learned in fight club: it’s damn near impossible to have anyone pick a fight with you.  This is true especially when you don’t live near readnecks.  Rednecks are crazy.  I don’t mess with rednecks.

I’ve got good war stories.  I’ve got times where I used my creativity to get my way, and where my willingness to do…literally anything has won.  But more often, when I win a battle, I creep out my friends.  “Better not piss Chris off” segues into “Chris is F#@%ing crazy, better stay the F#@% away.”  Being the dude that has the clever putdown has some acute limitations.  Nobody trusts you.

I’ve been a bull all my life.  Anything to get the job done.  And that serves its purpose.  Being a taskmaster has some upside.  But the downside is that you’re wasting time on stuff that doesn’t matter.  Your ego means that you need to win, or beat people.

Time to grow out of that, time to be peaceful.  Time to use whatever talent I have to uplift people, and ignore the buttons.  Time to help people.

Blogging Goals | Company Vision | More

list of goals, yellow legal pad, mission statement,

list of goals, yellow legal pad, mission statement, 100 days.  Not too much time, not so much that if I fritter it away anything will be OK.  Not too little time that if I get a little behind I’ll never do it.  But the deal is this:  I’ve got to go after sales at Guerrilla.ME.

I was given verbal info on my dispensation with the IRS.  Good times.  The figure is in the $35k range.  Managable, but it could get out of hand.  They are putting me on an installment agreement instead of a ‘submit financials all the time’ agreement.  Criminal Investigations won’t be a part of my life.  All good things.

So the uncertainty that has paralyzed me is gone.  The excuses for not taking action is gone.  And I don’t have to lay awake at night wondering what the dispensation is gonna be.  I just have to get after it.

And to get it out of my life, forever, is gonna take a big burst of work.  Something I’ve never done.  I need to knock this out.  My systems and videos are finally built.  If I learn to trust Infusionsoft, they will get better.

What I’ve done in the distant past is to use this blog for a forum to hold myself accountable.  I’m going to do it again–here.  That’s the current (and only) point of this blog.  To be accountable to what I wanna do in my business.  To expose my life to the point where you can watch me win.

000_0005So.  The pic to the right? A little macbook, and a foam core board with 100 spaces on it.  That will be who I sell.  I’ll put the URL in mind every time I sell & deliver a blog.  Blog sales are 45% of my revenue now.  I want that to be more.

The first post wes me at my sit down desk, thinking about what I want the vision of my company to be.  I want it to be different, I want it to be what I want it to be.  I want it to honor my customers.  I want to help and sell.  I have big dreams, starting with customers first, & meaning it.  Having a high level of service.

More on this in a moment.

For now, I’m committed to 100 new bloging customers in 100 days.  I’m doing it, period.

Want to be the first in the process?  Http://

As is always the case, more to come.