There are so many times when you want to indulge yourself. Lash out, say what you really thought about your friend/wife/lover/partner/co-worker.
You deserve to be heard.
But what good – really – does this ever do? Is there a weepy moment where you both realize you were right? Did that lecture *really* do anything?
All that happens is we feel a little better. For a minute. We sure told them.
Then the other person gets a turn to talk.
Then they get to sure tell us. And where does it end? What’s to be gained? It’s bickering and we engage. We wind up justifying our own actions:
- Oh, but it was different, see.
- I grew up never to back down.
- My situation wasn’t like that.
- You don’t understand, what it was like.
- It isn’t about the money it’s about the principle of it.
Really? It’s not your ego?
Better to shape our world through actions. Restraint is hard. It’s hard to have manners in the face of rudeness.
It’s it’s harder still not to engage when the barbs that sting and the passive aggressive slights come. But it’s critical, man, to let that stuff bounce off your chest. Yeah, it wounds. But responding to it is almost always a bad idea.
When you are considering unloading, consider also:
- Will I be able to have a relationship with this person if they continue to behave this way?
- Is this a hill i’m willing to die on? (It’s fine to end relationships – even close ones – for meaningful matters. But just because someone is annoying or…)
- What do I want the relationship to be like after I say these.
These are better questions. Better than “how can I make him understand.” You can’t.
There is no apology coming. People are who they are.
The first part was right. But the second part? Should have left that out of the seven habits.