in delusion

Enthusiasm and Delusion

For some time, I’ve had a severe mistrust of enthusiasm.

I don’t want to be Polyanna.  I don’t want to plug into the Matrix.

I spent most of a decade in a joyless and hopeless job- real estate and mortgage.  That job wasn’t particularly creative, and it required delusion to survive.  Things like The Mike Ferry Organization or Think And Grow Rich were the mental equivalent of self medication.  Had to do it.  Or the job is so unbearable, that it will consume you.

I mean, we grew up wanting to be spacemen, not  Loan Originators™, right?  

I mistrust people that are enthusiastic because the enthusiasm that I cultivated blinded me to the fact that I was working in a miserable job with miserable people.  It blinded me to the fact that yes, I really was that fat.  It made me settle for “just a living.”

See, when you suck from the firehose of enthusiasm, you settle.  You feel good because on the one hand Affirmations work. You do feel better about life when you work to pump yourself up.  On the other hand, it distorts reality.  You can’t see the future.  I remember talking to loan originators in 2006 about how things weren’t ever gonna be that good. 

I was called a fool. I doubted my own instincts.  Even as I was scary-accurate with what the industry would look like.

I am sure that every industry has  similar stories. 

I mistrust enthusiasm because it blinds you.  But lately, I’ve had a string of good fortune, success brought from efforts.  I’ve had the opportunity to advise and be advised by people that are literally world class.  

And I don’t really get to enjoy it because I am denying myself the simple pleasure of enthusiasm.  I don’t know if that’s good or bad.