We expect other people to fill or suit a need. As if they exist for our own convenience, as if they are uncomplicated and don’t exist when we don’t call on them. When they don’t perform for us on demand, we get hurt, frustrated. Our hyperconnectedness makes everything about us.
“Was that Facebook Update About Me?” I’m asked at least weekly. Most times, it’s a song lyric or clever turn of phrase that amuses me. Posting a Hold Steady or Dan Bern lyric up because Itunes played it for me isn’t about anyone. When someone asks and they are wrong, or worse, when they presume and are wrong, I wonder about them. Do they pour over everything I write?
And if so, what does that say about the lives that they lead?
Expectations kill us. I have had times when I expected a friend to be around. The friend truly cares, but had a day like mine when they are on empty with nothing to give. I come with my hand out and I become a grotesque, aberrant and needy mooch. Expecting other people to perform on cue, rather than simply going with the flow, deprives us of something important.
That is gratitude. When we expect things to be a certain way we become entitled to the routine we’ve preprogrammed. We lose the ability to be grateful for a brief encounter, the way that our world is. We expect people to perform for us and when they are otherwise engaged our Egos scream that we have been let down.
Entitlement is the essence of narcissism, and losing sight of gratitude is where it starts. The end point is judging people on their availability and not contributions. We are with those that are available, in lieu of the ones that challenge us and refine us and make us better–or worse, we take challenges as slights and say that they aren’t nice.
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