I’m not going to think ‘survival’ anymore as a goal. Being the near prison bitch of the IRS for a couple of years can (at the least) take some of the color and flavor out of your life which then bleeds into your dreams. When your dreams discolor, then we have problems. Big ones. I went from world conquest to paying the mortgage. Nobody would run through a wall to pay a mortgage. Sometimes dreams are fantasies, but you gotta get after ‘em, even so. You’ve gotta keep pretending, thinking, being, living, and sucking every drop of joy you can get out of whatever time we’re here.
You can’t dream when things aren’t working, when you’re negotiating with the electric company for one more day, when you’re anxious about everything that exists. You can’t dream and you seek the psuedosafety of a steady job. Nothing wrong with a job, but if you’re not pursuing the highest, most and best-est, you’re not doing yourself.
I was miserable as a lender. My generally upbeat demeanor hid the fact that doing that job was no fun for me. The income in the FIRE industries comes from being able to absorb other peoples’ money stresses. I got no problem with Lenders, just wasn’t my personality. Was a business guy, a creator, a provocateur, a writer, and other stuff. Like closing deals, making deals, floating proposals. Love cold calling. Love it with all my heart, and I love the predictability that it creates. But I felt like if I had a ridiculously steady job and a ridiculously steady income that lending provided. How can you leave? How can you take a flight of fancy? What do you do to exist in the mean time?
If you’re not into your job, baby, no steady paycheck’s gonna help. You can’t buy your soul back, you can’t do anything about it when you let it slip. My situation was made easier by the fact that the first X of each paycheck was sucked out. Talk futility? Talk about a guy that closed a lot of deals in the heart of the meltdown, and still had no money coming in. September of 07, I think I was 60% of the office revenue, and my net check was under $1900 bucks for the month, post beatdown. I needed somthing close to 1.5mm a month just to get a check.
The theft I was enduring killed my big dreams, and the really big dreams had been bought off by the promise and reality of the easy-money-in-the-housing boom. I wonder how much talent was bribed into douchebaggery by the subprime boom, and how much more is being bribed into douchebaggery by the rest. Nothing is going to make any of it work for you. Don’t dream small. The biggest mistake I made in life was not following what I was destined and supposed to be (a close 1a to that is taking life advice from muddle brained mediocrities).
Will smith said that creating a “plan b” creates the NEED for a “plan b.” He’s right. You have to cut the cord, and take a title shot.
Dream big. Create in your mind a perfect life, and make it happen. Impose your will on the world, and declare war on anyone that’s going to distract you or stop you. Make better friends, and pursue the highest course you can. Pursue splendor, and don’t allow anything to take you off course.
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