It was utterly crippling and incapacitating having IRS issues. Having a staggering-debt-as-big-as-a-house that I carried with me crushed me. Kept me selling real estate even though I hated it, and put me in a box doing things I never really wanted to be doing.
It also kept me from thinking straight, and made me set my sights too low. I was worried about this week, this day, paying my way out of the debt…it made me focus on me, and me and me. Not what I can build, make and e.
I was thinking too much about how the hell can I pay these brutal assholes off. Not enough about how I can build a business. And when you’re interacting with people, and the teeth of the hyrda are upon you…
…and you’re thinking only about how you need to shovel $1200 into the gaping maw of the 3rd head…this week…you become limited in what you can do. You think not about them but about you. I’ve been shoveling money at this problem for 20 months, and until about January, I was blind to any “future” i was just trying to survive. All I could see was right now. (I even called my company Right Right Now, instead of something sensible.)
Everything then was about me, right now, paying my bills. And through hard work, late nights & early mornings, I got a handle on the debt. Six figures became 5, and it’s now down to about $20k. Hard work made that happen, and moving into a tiny hovel despite the fact that my family was growing.
Now that it’s not insurmountable anymore, now that I can see the end of the debt, having cut down 4/5ths of it, and having learned to prosper, I’m seeing what I can build and do. I’m starting to think big again.
…the last time I “thought big” I was 27 and in Real Estate. I was starting to separate from the crowd (For those that don’t know, even in BOOM TIMES, 80% of Realtors failed, so that’s not saying much). I was about to be really big…but I didn’t care. “Lady, it’s the damned living room, you either like it or you don’t, I’m not gonna sell it to you…” I hated that profession, I see its need and some of its value.
Debt Crushes Big Thoughts
Paying debt crushes big dreams. Being chained to it, even a little, hurts. I’ve had a cash crunch mindset because of this thing since I got really serious about paying it off last year. My dreams and flickerthougths came back a little bit at a time. Not all at once. As the debt stopped dictating everything, I started daring to dream a little bit more.
And now? The debt isn’t gone, but I realized that I was thinking small…too small. This week instead of what I can contribute.
So, I’m deliberately thinking bigger.
Instead of survival, contribution, buidling things that help.
Some kind of Maslow hierarchy at work.
Debt is Bondage.
When you’re in the throes of IRS drama and all you can afford is a well intentioned but cut rate lawyer, it consumes thoughts. “How do I get the $X to pay Y by Z” is 60 or more percent of your thought…and that’s not a way to live. That’s a way to die a rapid death, to descend into a horrific existance. My goals weren’t anything other than reptilian survival. Now?
I want to make it so that EVERYONE has the tools and knowledge to serve others by connecting online. I want to make EVERY small business have intelligent inbound marketing.
And I want to do more.
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