There’s always a tendency to self destruct. We all have it.
“Making it,” requires a type of perseverance that requires measure at every turn. Being steady, slow, thoughtful. Working.
Anything could blow what I’ve taken a year to build.
When to stand up for yourself, when to just shrug stuff off. I’ve always been able to close. I’ve never really gotten over the hump because once there’s a little breathing room, I let the resistance get me and self destruct. I watch other people self destruct, too, flailing on Twitter, bitching about pedestrian stuff that never mattered in the beginning.
Right now, I’ve got another in a series of second chances that the universe has delivered to me. Second Acts, as Francis Scott once said. And, right now, it burns me to not blow it up. I see an odd remark, and I want to challenge everything. I scratch my head like a crazy person sometimes. I want to run away from what I have to do. I see everything – ordinary, routine things, as epic.
I’ve self destructed right at the cusp of change the following ways (not exhaustive:)
- Gotten married
- bought real estate
- pissed off a long term business contact
- fired a client
- changed jobs.
- changed professions
- Quit running
- Quit writing
- Sought approbation/credit
- convinced myself I was novel and head of the curve
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[...] This is new for me. I’ve not had the kind of distance between me and destruction at any time. The urge to self-destruct has been strong at times. (Note: your enemies always self destruct eventually, all you have to do is [...]