Every problem in my life has come when I’ve focused on myself, my pleasure, my own gratification, or the feeding of my insatiable ego. Every boorish comment, every argument I’ve had and every time I’ve taken a lazy, shortcut path to do something it’s been borne of selfishness. I’m not talking about honoring yourself like Ayn Rand does. Her Objectivist heroes have integrity and industry, and her version of selfishness is not conventional, and her people are work absorbed, not self absorbed. They are driven by a mania to produce, and to make more stuff, and there’s an impossible quality that they have. Ayn’s use of the word selfish is probably a malapropism and it’s designed to provoke, not describe.
I’m talking about ordinary, garden variety selfishness. Sloth, laziness, the kind that I’ve found in myself. The desire to be the smart alecky kid in the back of the room. Trying to elevate Genuine Chris in lieu of helping others get what they want. Left to my own devices, focusing in on myself, I think I’m pretty great, I think I’ve earned a beautiful wife, two beautiful kids and a bright life. Left to my own devices, I believe that the world revolves around me, and that I can be demanding of others and require them to meet insane, exacting standards.
The profoundly mediocre results I’ve achieved have been into my own selfishness. Focus on self makes us do things that are poor, and appreciate nothing. The more selfish we are, the less gratitude we get to feel. We believe we’re entitled to more than we are. We expect others to bend to our will, and genuflect to our ability. We perceive threats and slights where they don’t exist because we are myopically focusing inward.
When all you want is more, more more more, you become a slithering reptile, sneaking off to do things that you’re ashamed of. You become weaker still because you lie to cover up mistakes–or bully people to cover for you. Getting found out is the new worry. All the while, your mind justifies you: you’re not selfish: shouldn’t I have this, shouldn’t I have all of this is the chorus that you hear.
It’s all dissipation, it’s all destruction. When you think of yourself this way as the center of the world, everything disappoints you. Instead, focus on what you’re here to give, what you’re here to do for others. Serve God, do your duty without self aggrandizement. Trust me: I’ve taken big steps in this direction in the last six months. I haven’t got all the answers, but relying on pleasure as the rubric for a good life is ultimately empty.
I’m truly happier now than at any time in my life because I’ve got stuff to do, people to serve, and an understanding of my place. Considering that we are only significant in our ability to serve others, and in our ability to help changes the conversation. What am I doing to help? Is it really helpful, or are people putting up with me. Self pity is only possible if you’re self absorbed.
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