I earned money from being a Real estate agent, and I spent money on nothing.  I had the ostrich head in sand problem for a long time.  Have played at this, but never DONE it.

I’m not unusual.  I have some cash in the bank, but when you take the IRS, the people I borrowed from to bail myself out of the IRS, and everything else, my net worth is -89,000.   That’s negative.  I’m 89,000 in the hole, and happy that I’m not in jail.  In the last 9 years, I’ve only had 2 years that were under six figures.   The bulk of the damage, the state and IRS tax bill that was once $170,000 is now down to $25,000.  It’ll get knocked out. And it’ll make a good story.

I honestly believed it to be less till recently.   I had made a $25,000 clerical error.  A GIGO problem.  A spreadsheet that I worked on had bad data.  But it was interesting, I think.

I hid this stuff from people.  Mostly myself.  I knew how to earn money, and I paid some lip service to frugality, but it was a ruse.  I didn’t care, I figured I’d be a millionaire soon.  Phil Hodgen, International Tax Lawyer (and good friend) says, that the “second you don’t need a Mercedes anymore is when you’ll get one.”   The dissipation of every bit of money I had on stupid schemes that would get me out of the last failed plan was kind of how I lived.  I was grasping for whatever.  When we got rid of the real estate and moved into a dive, things changed, our focus changed some.  Hopefully it’s not too late.

I didn’t spend a lot of money on advertising, I pissed it away on restaurants, shiny tech gadgets, clothing for my wife.  Oh, yeah, and rental properties that were a Bad Idea for anyone to own, that I didn’t care about.  The whole time, I hated my job.  There’s plenty to like to being a Realtor, I just didn’t have the passion for it.

Anyway, I lied to myself for a long time.  See, I had income.  Things are fine, I’m still a smart kid.  I made money, so I can’t be failing.   I’ll fix it later.  Who cares, everyone has these problems.  Thing is, they are preventable.

In the long run we’re all dead.  That’s what Keynes said.  But the thing is, how we lived matters.  I can’t endure the stress of it.  Deal is: I had all the means to have a good pile of wealth now.  Somehow, my ego never let me feel this.  I always find some excuse, some reason that everything was still OK.

It’s not OK.  The debt is suffocating.  I’ve taken it from $150ish (realmoney) to $89.  Now it’s time to home stretch this thing and get this smoked forever.  It’s all survivable, and it’s all a distraction.  You can’t operate with debt, not like you can in reality.  Think about this:  At 10% (my average interest) I’m paying $9,000 a year, or $750/month to debt.

Think about that.  That’s before I do anything, I gotta pony that money up.

It’s fixable, though.  I’m earning at a good clip.

I’m pretty sure at this point that there aren’t going to be any other ‘surprises’.  I honestly had believed that the debt was down below $20k.   And it’ not, and so this thing is going in a google doc.  that google doc is gonna get iframed into the sidebar.  And I’ll be updating it once a month.  All the component parts of the debt will get added in.    I’ll do this tomorrow.

I want to be transparent for selfish reasons.  I’m not bragging.  I’m currently doing pretty well.  I collected up all my debts and spreadsheeted ‘em.  I’m going to get rid of them one by one as fast as I can.  The first goal is a $4800 loan that costs $200 a month and is at a ghastly 14% interest.    I can do it.

Here are some personal finance bloggers:

The Simple Dollar – more consumerist than I’d like to be, but better than I am.

Five Cent Nickel – opinionated.  Tough.  And good.

Related posts:

1. How to Set, Measure Share and Track Goals on Google Docs Part 1 of 6 I’m not gonna be all paranoid like my new friend...
2. 5 Ways To Crush Overhead in Your Freelance Business. I abhor debt.  I said we’ve been rubes for accepting...
3. Peak Experiences: Why We Work So F#@%ing Hard. [[I wrote this earlier this year on a blog I'm...

But still–and I will joyfully honor my word–I would not have taken the projects had I known then what I know now.  Stuff that can’t be delivered and done fast, open ended stuff….makes me into more of an employee than I have a stomach for.  On the one hand, I have a commitment to honoring the people that are affording me to get out from under a pile of debt, that are supporting me financially.  I have to honor the money they sent and earned.  That means that I have to take a yoke and bear it.  And that sucks.

When I deliver a product I created, I’m selling someone else.  I’ve put them in my world, and I’m offering it to them.  When I apply for a job, it is me trying to accommodate another.  Oh, to be sure there is some give and take there, but fundamentally, there’s a difference between blog sales guy and freelancer.  I’m still a freelancer, but I’m selling what I want, not what I can find.  It’s easier, selling what I want, too because I can build a personal brand around it.

The revision hell that I’m in now is due to not having a finite ending to a project.  It’s hard to take control after the fact…

The thing I’m working on today is a little project (incidentally lagging behind but not part of the above three projects) for International Tax LawyerPhil Hodgen that I thought would be done in March.  He was in Dubai for much of that time.  It should be done & revised tomorrow from my end, possibly today.

Then I’ve got to come up with a coherent, form based design interview that takes 5 minutes or less and allows people to express themselves.

Related posts:

1. The Cult of Speed Manifesto: Speed Is Everything. Speed is everything in business. The fast eat the slow. ...
2. Low Risk Freelancing is Any Freelancing You do. People often tell me that I had a lot of...
3. Slow Down the Beginning to Speed Up the Ending… So I’m about 60% of the way through building the...