• I’m abrasive.
• I talk too fast.
• I bulldoze over people.
• I’m arrogant.
• I don’t listen to other people’s point of view.

To that I say (in order)

• You have stupid ideas.
• You think too slowly.
• You are a milquetoast.
• Effectiveness isn’t arrogance.
• Why would I listen to people that are repeatedly inept?

Nobody can stand anything resembling a display of ability. It makes everyone around mad, it hurts everyone’s ego. And, it draws ire and venom like nothing else. For too long I took to heart, the fears of the incompetent, and made them my own. For too long, I made the aimless and nebulous worries an excuse not to act.

It’s possible to be ridiculously good at many things. I apologized for ability, and let it atrophy. I appologized for clarity, and let it drift away. I let the attitudes of those who don’t impact me far more profoundly than I should have. Here: This graphic was passed out at our last meeting:

This is not an anomalous picture; I’m usually around half or more of the revenue; doing more than 4 others combined efforts. I’m not “raking it in, either.” I’m doing alright, but the rest of the people must be starving.

Why do I let their critiisms in? Why would I value their advice? What can they offer me? Why let them lecture me?

I’m not saying that we should not treat people without respect, but in that venue, they are no more qualified to give me advice than I am qualified to give Bill Gates advice on how to be an entrepenuer. But I have to listen, I have to validate, and I have to coddle…or else I’m an asshole.

I got a diatribe from someone about producing deals. I had to listen to this thing for ten minutes, about how my “service” wasn’t high enough. (About 70% of my deals are from referrals from Realtors, the rest, referrals from cusotmers….)

After the insinuation that I’m being dishonest (from a guy who I saw commit fraud) I interrupted: “I don’t want the business that you have, and so I won’t do the things that you do.”

The guy was looking for justification for his role in the businesss…IF he can’t outsell me, his ego requires the manufacturing of achievement-some metric where he’s better/stronger/more than me. His ego requires that he’s better at something than I am…and rather than compete with me, he does that!

It’s HARD to be uniquely valuable, uniquely insightful, authentic, productive, and different. It’s easy to swim across the grain and to swim upstream. And NOBODY ELSE wants you to do it because it’s an affront to them. Examples:

“He’s not really frugal, he’s a failure that has no money…”

“He’s getting his business because he steals…”

“He only had one idea/got lucky once” (i.e. the Mark Cuban attacks)

“Sure, he’s good at this, but I’m good at (non sequitir).”

“Nobody likes him.”

The danger of listening to (or even being around) the mediocre:

1. You become like them. You want to screw up your own life? Fine. But HOW DARE YOU OBSTRUCT PEOPLE FROM THEIR DREAMS! HOW DARE YOU, WHO WON’T TAKE A RISK, DISPENSE ADVICE ON ANYTHING?
2. You accept their standard! Look, I wanna compare myself to better people than me. I wanna reach and change, and grow in effectiveness, insight and value. How can I do that if i hang out with idiots? Sure, I can be king shit of turd mountain, but who wants that?
3. You lose the sense of never ending possibility and youth. Man, the unifying quality of the mediocre is that they are already old and set. Their goals might be to get
4. You start to self censor You have better ideas than most mediocre people. You censor the good ones.

Finally, four things to keep you from becoming medicore:

1. Look at real metrics to discern competence. If you’re a blogger, how many long term readers do you have? If you’re a salesperson, what percent of your industry does better than you or does worse?
2. Don’t let your ego lie to you. If someone out performs you, figure out why. Is it a connection they’ve made,skill or style they have?
3. Have a big damn dream. No matter what iti s, don’t settle. No matter what you’re doing, don’t lose the sense of endless possibility that goes along with having great dreams.
4. Build creativity from a base of consistency. First, crush the game that you’re playing. Then, go into blue oceans.