I’ve battled my weight off and on all my life.  Actually, I’ve battled it all my life, but I’m currently winning the battle.  I’ve reached the “end of the beginning” stage where I’ve taken off about 35% of what I want to lose overall, and I’m heading in the right direction with reasonable speed.  But, I carried excess bags around since probably mid-2004 (when I crossed the line from a little out of shape to fat).  And the thing is…nobody told me.  Nobody pointed it out or put any pressure on me.  [Note: The fault of being fat was 100% mine.  This isn't passing-the-buck b.s.]

People were afraid of hurting my feelings, likely.  Nobody says, “you’re too fat,” even when it’s painfully obvious.  Even an “I love you, but you’re too fat,” doesn’t get said as often as it ought to.  Because honestly?  People in trouble need to know that you’re aware of their condition.  I know that I self-rationalized my weight all the way up to 275# by saying things like “I’m not that fat,” and “Kohl’s still carries my size.”  Let ‘em know that this is hurting them.

It’s not that you want to jab ‘em all the time, but a simple “you’re too fat – what are you doing about your weight?” once in a while can bring it to the forefront.  “You’re too fat – would you like me to help you get to the gym?”

Had my friends and people who I respected said that, I don’t know if anything would have changed, but who knows.  I was too fat.  It was and is painfully obvious.  I am doing double the work now to overcome that.

How to Tell Someone Something That Is Unpleasant

You have to just deliver the message.  Don’t prep them.  Make it matter of fact.  “Oh, by the way, you’re too fat, and if you ever want my help getting the weight off, let me know.  I still love you.”  Having a long windup gets people’s defense mechanisms and ego invested.  So don’t say, “Um, there’s something that you may not like that I gotta tell you, but I still love you.”  That puts ‘em on edge, and they’ll dismiss it.

Just deliver your damn message, and let ‘em know succinctly that it’s holding them back.  And don’t be wedded to telling the story of a low-carb, alkalizing, special fitness program.  They’ll find their path when it’s time.  Deliver the message quickly and leave them to find a solution.

Make sure you’re not being gratutitous — and that you really care about them…and not about being superior…then ‘let ‘em rip.’

5 Things You Really Ought to Say to People (and They’ll Thank You)

1. “You’re broke because you spend money like a moron.”
2. “Your girlfriend is a do-nothing piece of trash, and you can do better, so have some balls, man.”
3. “Everyone thinks you’re an asshole, so tone down the type A bullshit.”
4. “Your clothes went out of style when Seinfeld was popular.”

and of course…
5.  “Your butt really does look fat in those jeans.  Ditch the jeans or get a new butt.”

Please feel free to mixx, Stumble and Digg this stuff.

This isn’t meant to be a normative budget–this is just the way things are, more or less, right now. Some stuff can and oughta be deferred. Other stuff makes me money. Budget doesn’t include debt service–just the cash need that I have each month. as of 12/22/2007for now I’ll put it online. These are hard costs. This isn’t a “budget” this is a list of expenses that I have as things are without radical change.

Mandatory Recurring Bills

1. Housing: $1300
2. Internet: $26.00
3. Cell Phones (H + Me) $105
4. Vonage: $30
5. Car insurance: $71.
6. Health insurance: $336 (comes out of my checks, but that’s the cash net)
7. Electric: $125
8. Gas: $45 (not on budget–this seems to be about as high as it gets)
9. Trash: $24
10. Water: $25
11. Car Payment: $230 (included here because it would be gone if not paid)
12. gym membership/Heather: 68

$2335 Cash/month: $27k/ year to have basic living done

Other Household Expenses:

1. Food: $550/month
2. Co-Pays: $55
3. Gasoline: $250/month
4. Clothing: $250/month (must be doubled–can be deferred

Total: $1175/month: 14100/year

Debt Service:

1. Student loans (me) $21,500/140 month
2. IRS: $23,000: $600/month + Refund. each year.
3. 401k loan: $310/month
4. Misc “weighty” debt acquired: 7k. Not being served until other stuff is gone, daddy, gone.

$740 * 12 = $8880

Business Expenses:

1. 900/month: staff stipend.
2. Lunches/70/month

Total: 970 * 12 = 11640

Totals: 27,000 + 14100 + 8880 + 11640 = $61260 cash. Expenses are $5135/month. This requires a pretax income of 85k-90k+/- to make it. That is an exhausting lifestyle–having that as a base and having to go up from there. Blah. Earning 85k (7k month) +/-) requires the overhead. The Staff Stipend and the Health insurance come out pre tax, and can–to a point–be floated. The student loans can be ditched without much of a penalty, but that’s not the behavior I want to model.

Serious change needs to happen.

Having that kind of overhead to live is not fun–it creates a grind because even if we had $75000 in the bank, we’re only looking at 13 months +/- to be able to survive. The answer is not–as Tim Ferris says to give up the glass of red wine and defer your lifestyle. The answer is to think different:

1. What can we do to cut expenses in a radical way?
2. Can we get someone else to pay for us to live?
3. Can we leverage our intellect to change the game?
4. Can we cut big expenses? Saving on food doesn’t matter much, but changing our spending does?
5. Can we sell something on an iterated basis to make us money?

This isn’t a solution that we can “Simple Dollar” our way to the end–while I really like many things about being a mortgage broker, there is nothing unique or novel about that job. I like the freedom, and it’s something that can easily be outsourced. I can build a system in 6-12 months that teaches this, and focus on another source of income….without being tethered to the job.

Chris Johnson is a thinker, taker of risks, and writer. His blog: GenuineChris.Com talks about creating insane personal success through radical transparency.