Something that I’ve been concerned with–lately especially–is what a friendship is based on? Is it based on the way people make you feel when you’re around them? How they help you focus on your goals (God/Work/Family)? The easy comfort that comes from acceptance (don’t judge me)? The past experiences shared together? The promise of what they can do for you in the future?
Why do we choose who we share our love and time with? How do we pick?
Proximity, similar interests, similar humor (a subset of similar interests), similar memberships (yet another subset) all play a role, at least a little bit–particularly in areas where you’re the only two there.
It’s mostly convenience and comfort that we pick our friends. We lose touch with people easily. I’m not saying this is a bad thing.
What should make a friendship, then? I think it makes little to no sense to hang out with people for the following reasons:
- Shared past. I ain’t the man I used to be, so why would I chase the habits I used to have?
- Proximity- Just because someone lives near you, do you let them influence you?
- Shared interests- Yeah, yeah, it’s a basis, but because someone is a Cubs fan doesn’t necessarily mean that I’m going to be their best buddy. Hitler coulda been a cubs fan.
- Employment- You work together, but does that mean that the person gets to influence you?
- Convenience- Subset of interests, but we hang out with the people that are easy for us to see, like, etc.
- What they can do for us- We’re bootlickers. We should admit it. We hang out with people because we want their connections, we want their influence, we want to have what they have.
Any of these above is an acceptable basis for making friends…but is it the correct and lifetime basis? Do we let people influence us because of the past/proximity interests/employment criteria that we have used in the past…?
- Why are we friends with who we are friends with?
- Why should we be friends with who we are friends with?
- What standards do we pick for people who influence us and people we influence?
I don’t (yet) have well grounded answers, but the reasons we pick the people that hang out with us are flawed, and I want to figure out the best way forward…
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